I officially retired at the end of 2020. Since then I have been trying to identify who I am now, and I am finding it a bit destabilizing. Having grown up in a culture that defines who I am by what I do, now that I am no longer “doing” what I did, who am I?
My second era was a foray into law. I started working at the State Bar of California as a secretary and was promoted to Section Administrator (notice the capitalization). This actually was a very fun job that entailed travel, hanging around with really smart attorneys, and participating in policy development. That morphed into a five-year stint as a paralegal and word processing maven in the private sector.
My third era involved personal growth and a return to school. During this phase, I acquired a PhD, became licensed as a psychologist, and married the love of my life. This was the longest and most stable era so far. It lasted almost 30 years.
The constant, of course, is me. I have been present in all my various iterations. I have been in the same rail car, following the tracks of my life, with different people getting on and off at different stops. Some have traveled with me the entire journey so far, others have had only a short trip with me. Some were with me for a while, then took a different mode of transportation and re-joined me further down the line.
A New Era
I am at the start of an era that is more like a grape reaching maturity on the vine. Its utility doesn’t end when it is picked, but actually increases in value as it is blended and perfected into a vintage wine.
Now I am writing for profit, starting a business to teach others what I know about aging, and becoming more and more politically active on behalf of aging adults. This requires that I let go of some of my identities and create a new one. This means letting people know I am no longer a psychologist and now am … what? What is it I am doing?
I am So Not Retired!
I have often said that I became a licensed psychologist because it was something I could do as long as I could hear what my patients were saying and provide insight and feedback. There were no age limits. What made me change my mind is that I now feel a calling to work with larger numbers of people instead of one at a time.
I want to be valued for my skills and knowledge. I want to share what I know, I want to be compensated for what I offer. Barring cognitive decline and physical limitations, I should be able to sustain my new endeavors for around 15 years or so, perhaps longer. All of these are “doing” things, but I want to do them in a different way.
Transitioning from “Doing” to “Being”
Demonstrating our worth as older adults, not in terms of production (newer, better, faster), but in terms of steadfastness and stability will require confronting the implicit belief that old people have no value. And we have to convince ourselves first! Overcoming the cultural default toward youth is a big barrier. The challenge lies in naming this new phase and in claiming a seat at the table.
What the Pandemic Has Taught Me
One of the greatest lessons this pandemic has taught me is the value of slowing down. While I still have that inner voice telling me I should be doing more, I am better able to mute it and give myself the time needed to ponder, to day dream, to nap.
Another lesson I have learned is how important community is. Living alone, as I do, I experience a sense of safety and care just knowing who my neighbors are. I have seen and personally benefited from many acts of kindness during this past year. Information, resources, and love have all been freely shared among the various communities I participate in. And more and more of my groups are interacting with each other, creating this extraordinary Venn diagram.
Foundations for Creating a Vision for Aging in the 21st Century
These five things are the focus of my transition from doing to being. The “doing” requires I reach out to others, take steps to maintain myself, and share what I know. The “being” requires that I accept the changes in status and capacity, and adjust my life accordingly.
What are your foundations? What are you building your future on?