I am blessed with a safe harbor and a hefty sea anchor. My little corner of the world has been spared the turmoil and chaos that now occupy too many parts of the planet. I am beyond grateful for this. I am also aware that there is no guarantee such a safe harbor will remain.
I try to start my day with gratitude. A childhood memory of a prayer lingers, “This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.” It starts me off with hope.
I try to end my day with gratitude. I tally up my accomplishments, no matter how many or few, and give myself a pat on the back for what I have been able to do. I silence the taskmaster who is always critical and wanting more, and just let myself settle.
These are my anchors for now. Doing what is familiar. Keeping a schedule. Chopping wood. Carrying water. Caring for myself, my cats, and my friends.
But Is It Enough?
Especially now, with the intensity of confrontation and the extremes of violence, these small acts don’t seem enough. I am coming to terms with this. My inclination is to do more, give more, write more, march more, be more, but my limitations are such that I cannot.
My inner Morality Police are constructing indictments that will label me as lazy, or in denial, or uncaring, or afraid, or worst of all, complicit. These are familiar charges, mind you, having been brought against me all my life! Yet somehow I have succeeded in outwitting these charges and remaining free.
What Are Old People For?
Again and again I come back to the question, “What are old people for?” I used to answer this question by sharing examples of elders who were over achievers working until they were in their 90s, taking on new careers, leading movements. And while these are awesome accomplishments, I now find myself filled with pride as I see Boomers showing up in droves at these marches and protests. Raising our voices in chants and song. Organizing, baby!
People my age are doing life differently now. We understand that while passion and idealism can inspire, persistence is what sustains. And persistence only is achieved when you have lived for a while. When you have lost things that are irreplaceable. When you have experienced the long-term repercussions of impetuous decisions. When you have learned to forgive because there is no other way forward, but remain unable to forget.
It’s Inevitable
I have learned something else from living this long. What is happening to us now was inevitable. It is not productive to deny this. There really does need to be a winnowing in order for something stronger and better to appear.
This time of revolution, evolution, and change is different in that access is now available in broader ways to more people. The gap between the lived experience of people in Minneapolis where fear, tension, and rising pushback is a daily event, and those of us who are watching it unfold through filters is huge. The danger here is in thinking we are all experiencing the same thing.
Mirrors
Revolution is for youngsters; governing is for the middle-aged. Legacy is what is left to elders. We hold the mirrors to what is being done now and have a duty to curate the memories of what went before.
Mirrors reflect what is happening in the moment. Memories offer context—reminders that while each crisis may feel unprecedented, the patterns are ancient. There really isn’t anything new under the sun.
Beliefs
My generation believed we were creating new pathways to freedom and equality. The generation before believed they were saving democracy. The generation before believed they were conquering the wilderness. And so on.
Maybe we need these beliefs to give us the courage to revisit and repair what we thought we had resolved but actually never finished. Maybe our purpose is to wrestle with the same fundamental struggles, generation after generation, not expecting transformation but trusting in slow, incremental change.
Uncertainty and Gratitude
I am no longer certain and I am no longer content with becoming certain. I am gaining skill in uncertainty and am more willing to venture into discomfort for brief periods of time. And I still prefer the comforts I have been gifted with.
Which is why I start and end my day with gratitude.
2 responses to “Anchors in Turbulent Times”
My harbor is currently safe and I’m grateful for that, but like you I’m concerned with our federal governments’ legal and police state tactics that have caused great fear and isolation among citizens of major cities and institutions in our country. I’m grateful for the protestors who record these violations of our freedom, particularly for the poor and powerless. The transparency this supports is a strong counter to the cruel and biased interpretations of the current administration. The public pushback is already causing a pause and modification of this administration’s playbook. I’m hopeful for the future and pray tht truth and justice will ultimately have their day in public policy in our country. .
500 years ago, one of mainstream Protestantism’s core “founders” – Geneva’s John Calvin – literally helped invent a mental illness (an insane “world-view”) which over the centuries metastasized, dug deeply into, and now is being overtly acted out by the USA’s current ultra-wealthy.
Calvin’s “invention?” A cynical fund-raising ploy (aimed at rich Swiss bankers) – via preaching that – a person accruing great financial wealth “proves” that he’s (note gender) “predestined” by “god” (is of of “the Elect”) – for BOTH riches in this life and “salvation” in the next. From that, follows the equally insane INVERSE “concept”: “The undeserving poor.” I.e., If you are not rich “here,” then OF COURSE, you are already slated for damnation, “next,” as well. So appealingly logical. So Puritanically / tidily dichotomized. (Of course, all that IS the exact OPPOSITE of everything Jesus ever taught, but hey: it was fund-raising for “a good cause!” [Calvin’s new “church”]). $$$
These twin-“concepts” (Rich=pre-saved / Poor = pre-damned) accompanied the rest of Puritanism (repeatedly banished! ), on its trek from Geneva, then Amsterdam, and finally London – finally ending up in the “fertile soil” of New England. What a handy belief (and EXCUSE!) for horrific money-accumulating behavior on the part of the (fear-driven / would-be) super-rich. However, this “concept” DOES contain one big catch: How does one KNOW one has ENOUGH riches to guarantee that one HAS “earned” “god’s” “celestial Everlasting-Life INSURANCE? That catch explains the bizarre INSATIABILITY driving today’s wealth-class.
For Puritan-American generations (at least since the Robber Barons of the late 19th century), these “concepts” have become deeply embedded and entirely subconscious and yet – they compulsively drive (and “excuse”) execrably sociopathic behaviors – far more powerfully than can be explained by mere, garden-variety greed. Today’s now-rampant Puritan / fear-based wealth-accumulation IS a form of OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder) – a shared / PEER-REINFORCED delusion within the new super-rich. (All those asylum inmates crazy in the same way!)
Also? If “one” knows that – ONLY via the relentless “garnering” and hoarding of financial wealth, will one WILL be “saved” (see: various current billionaires’ fantasies of PHYSICAL immortality – still more of the same “Puritan death / damnation anxiety”) – it’s also “grimly” clear that “poor people” (i.e. all the REST of us) – since we ARE “obviously” pre-damned anyhow – CAN BE treated as cruelly as the “rich” wish to do. Thus: if the rich DO exercise innumerable ways of stealing “the undeserving poor’s” remaining money, well then, that’s only what “we” all deserve anyhow, for BEING so “obviously” pre-damned for our “sin” of (comparative) poverty.
It is thus that John Calvin’s deep-seated “mental illness” concepts explain much about this long-simmering insanity, now gone overt in American life – resulting in: the super-rich (desperately driven, and fearfully-unable to ever steal and hoard “enough”) – “versus” all the rest of us hard-working / non-insane / family-loving “suckers and losers.”
I certainly cannot predict how this will play out. All I know is that it IS impossible to argue with such insane, deeply subconscious AND peer-group-reinforced concepts – SO deeply-held and pursued for generations by a VERY mentally-ill (now sickly powerful) minority. It’s fascinating (in a gruesome way) to witness. And BTW, this deeply-Puritan mental illness IS the only actual “American Exceptionalism.”